Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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