remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
