god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
