know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
