the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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