Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I look better un-naked...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
