why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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