Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
