apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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