Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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