i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
