So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
