Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
