you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
