i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He better not be in your backpack
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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