I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
