a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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