Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
