I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
