So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
