Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
