i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
