my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
