I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
