I feel like abortions should bother me more
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
