Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
