remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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