mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
