my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
