My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
