The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
