All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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