hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
