yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
