That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
