I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
