they need to just BURY HIM!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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