He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
