are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
