i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Boobs speak an international language.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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