I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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