He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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