Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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