so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
