Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
