Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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