I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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