new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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