margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
