I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize