there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
