I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
