I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
