I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The feeling are messing with the penis
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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