My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
