goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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