i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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