is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize