Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize