i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
