i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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