You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
