I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
