I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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