I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
