my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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