there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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