About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
