I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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