Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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